Final Visit

This morning was our last visit with Henry. We went to the maternal fetal clinic at Riverside Hospital for the 7th time. We were able to see Henry, take all his measurements and get pictures and video. This has been a really important time for us to bond with our son. Watching him grow and develop on the screen has helped us learn about Henry and appreciate being his parents.

Henry has long legs and big hands. He stays tucked down low towards the cervix. Henry likes to box and roll. He never hides his boy parts but often covers his face. He is a beautiful boy. Without this time at the maternal fetal clinic, we might not feel as close to Henry. These visits have given us time to bond and really enjoy Henry.

Now we count down the days until Henry is to be born. We wait with anticipation and anxiety. We are as ready as we can be to face this day. And this has been a very challenging 17 weeks. I'm not really sure how many more weeks we would endure. We wouldn't choose not to have Henry. He is our baby no matter what. We would not chose to deny his existence or hope that he had never been. He is - and that is precious to us.

Due Date Approaching

Henry's official due date is February 17. We are coming down to the final days with our son. We enjoy every jump, roll and kick. Sometimes we can even make out the impression of his foot. We know that our time with Henry is short. Every moment is meaningful.

We have expected that Sarabeth may be induced to get things moving. At the last OB appointment, our doctor suggested a date - February 13. Which would mean that Henry would likely be born on Valentine's Day. That might be good. His birthday would always be associated with a holiday, as trivial as it is.

Naming a date makes our time seem more limited. We love Henry so much. We have gotten to know him through many ultrasounds and procedures. Our last opportunity to visit Henry before his birth will be February 4. We have another 3D ultrasound scheduled. That will be our last chance for pictures and video before Henry is born. Because of these appointments we have been able to see Henry grow and development. To admire is long legs, his hands and feet. To see him be an active baby. And we will be able to put these images together in a slide show to enjoy. We have been able to be parents, to learn about our baby, and to love him thoroughly. And for that, we are thankful.

Plans

We are getting closer to Henry's birth day. We're trying to plan for that day and making sure everyone will be notified and have an opportunity to meet Henry. At the same time, we are writing his obituary - before he's even born. It's so unfair. How can this be?

I love laying next to my wife and feeling my son move. We may not ever get to sleep together. This is our chance to be together. I did not pay so much attention to these movements before Hazel was born. But now, I am aware of just how precious those moments are.

A New Year

So it's a new year but not a new chapter in our lives. We're still waiting with Henry. Anticipating his birth but anxious that our time with him will be so brief. I just found out that friends of ours had a baby boy at Thanksgiving named Henry. I'm half afraid to see the baby. But another half wants to practice holding a newborn. I can't wait to meet our son Henry. We have gotten to know him so much more than while Sarabeth was pregnant with Hazel.

Sarabeth had an excess accumulation of amniotic fluid due to Henry's condition. She was so uncomfortable she could barley do anything. So she finally said yes to an amnio draw. The surgeon placed a small needle with a catheter into the uterus and removed a liter of fluid with a vacuum jar. We could see everything on the ultrasound. We could even see Henry kicking the catheter. It stopped working after a while. And when the surgeon pulled the catheter out, we could see why. Henry destroyed it by kicking so much. He is a feisty boy, earning his nickname "Henry the Lion" every day.

Henry jumps and rolls when he hears us. He gets excited when mom eats certain foods, too. He sleeps a lot, but when he's active, he's really active. We love him so much. It's so hard to imagine that we'll have to say goodbye.

Christmas Approaches

We have tried so hard to look forward to Christmas day and the promise it holds. But every day marked off the advent tree is another day closer to the inevitable. We have purchased gifts for Henry. Clothes for his first day. Small toys. Items parents would normally buy for their child. But all these come with a heavy reminder. Even buying diapers for Henry is a struggle. We want to bury him in something natural, no plastic diapers. But the ladies at the store are very suspicious of why we only need one. It's hard to explain.

People have been so generous. We cannot escape God's grace during this time. Friends have brought us meals, helped Sarabeth with house work, watched Hazel. Even strangers have blessed us with baby announcements, gifts for Henry and massages for Sarabeth. This Christmas season will hold special meaning for the rest of our lives.

We bought stockings for Hazel and Henry with their names on them. I don't know what that will mean for future Christmases. But this year, everyone has a stocking with small gifts. Most of what Henry gets will be kept in his memory box. A few select items will be buried with him. My little lion man. We are having a casket hand made for him. His burial shroud is handmade by his great grandmother. We want so much to honor our son - in each small way.

Time Flies

The last month has been very difficult. It is impossible to escape the pending doom of my son's inevitable death. There is nothing I can do to stop it or slow it down. I stay up late at night to make time pass more slowly. We visit with family as much as we can. The pregnancy is getting harder for Sarabeth. Her amniotic fluid is elevated. She is really uncomfortable. She has contractions on and off. Our fear is that Henry will come too soon, before he ever has a chance to take a breath. I pray every day that I would get to meet Henry. That would mean so much to me.

We've been able to see Henry twice on the 3D ultrasound. Our daughter and mothers were also able to see Henry. This has been a great comfort to see our son, and on some level to interact with him. He is always active during ultrasounds, like he knows we're watching and he is showing off. He thumps the heartbeat monitor whenever we listen to him. He is a really strong baby.

Trick-or-Treat Again

Since our community does trick-or-treat on a separate night, Hazel got to go again. We invited some friends to our place so they could trick-or-treat again, too. We made a big pot of chili to share and all had dinner together. It was great to be surrounded by friends and their kids. It's just nice to be in the company of others who love us.

It was another chilly evening, so I put the fire pit in the driveway and made a small fire. Eventually we made some smores, but mostly it was just to stay warm. It wasn't as cold as the night before, but was it was still nice to have the fire. Hazel had a great time and went to about 30 houses on our street. She was really excited to get some M&Ms. This has been a good weekend to remember.