Christmas Approaches

We have tried so hard to look forward to Christmas day and the promise it holds. But every day marked off the advent tree is another day closer to the inevitable. We have purchased gifts for Henry. Clothes for his first day. Small toys. Items parents would normally buy for their child. But all these come with a heavy reminder. Even buying diapers for Henry is a struggle. We want to bury him in something natural, no plastic diapers. But the ladies at the store are very suspicious of why we only need one. It's hard to explain.

People have been so generous. We cannot escape God's grace during this time. Friends have brought us meals, helped Sarabeth with house work, watched Hazel. Even strangers have blessed us with baby announcements, gifts for Henry and massages for Sarabeth. This Christmas season will hold special meaning for the rest of our lives.

We bought stockings for Hazel and Henry with their names on them. I don't know what that will mean for future Christmases. But this year, everyone has a stocking with small gifts. Most of what Henry gets will be kept in his memory box. A few select items will be buried with him. My little lion man. We are having a casket hand made for him. His burial shroud is handmade by his great grandmother. We want so much to honor our son - in each small way.

Time Flies

The last month has been very difficult. It is impossible to escape the pending doom of my son's inevitable death. There is nothing I can do to stop it or slow it down. I stay up late at night to make time pass more slowly. We visit with family as much as we can. The pregnancy is getting harder for Sarabeth. Her amniotic fluid is elevated. She is really uncomfortable. She has contractions on and off. Our fear is that Henry will come too soon, before he ever has a chance to take a breath. I pray every day that I would get to meet Henry. That would mean so much to me.

We've been able to see Henry twice on the 3D ultrasound. Our daughter and mothers were also able to see Henry. This has been a great comfort to see our son, and on some level to interact with him. He is always active during ultrasounds, like he knows we're watching and he is showing off. He thumps the heartbeat monitor whenever we listen to him. He is a really strong baby.